Since becoming a presence (more like an invasion) on the world-wide-web now 15 months ago at the tender age of 42, “The Animal” has been struck by the amount of sports services and handicappers now available to the gaming public. The list of individuals, staffs, wagering groups, and syndicates that all offer powers of prognostication is endless. Some offer their knowledge for a fee. Some offer their advice for free whether you want to see it or not. Others are just messengers that pass along the opinions of other so-called experts. Some charge up to five times my personal mortgage. But the point is there are just a ton of us who feel the urge to share our beliefs. Hmm, kind of sounds like religion in a way.
I blame this phenomenon for a couple of reasons. By now, the baby boomers of the 60’s like myself have given up aspirations of becoming an astronaut and this was the next best thing. I know visions of what NASA is really like enter and leave my mind as I’m slamming down on these keys. Plus there are only so many openings to either sell vinyl siding or to work at the tools department at Sears. The generation that followed mine grew up on computers and eventually stumbled on one of the first handicapping sites. I’m quite certain their first thought was “I can make money in my underwear without ever leaving the house”.
Not so fast my friend. There are a few pitfalls that you should consider before leaving your legitimate career and enter a field in which your first critic will call you a ‘scamdicapper’. Officially, I looked this word up in the dictionary and couldn’t find it, but it sure does show up in my in-box with regularity and coincidentally when I lose a game. Jeez, I’m starting to sound like Andy Rooney. I should also warn you that there tends to be a few highs and lows in this business. Your fate of legitimacy dangles on the thinnest of threads on a daily basis. Benefits are lousy and Aetna US Healthcare don’t’ seem to recognize this field as a viable possibility for an extended ‘group’ plan.
Oh and by the way, today’s athletes aren’t exactly as reliable as when we were kids. Consider the last 96 hours for a guy I know in this industry whom I’m extremely fond about.
Kansas City and San Francisco ‘OVER’ 50 points on Sunday, November 10th. 17-10 at halftime with the Chiefs having a touchdown called back. The 49ers have possession at the Kansas City 16-yard line with 90 seconds remaining in the first half. The end result is an interception thrown by Jeff Garcia at the two-yard line on the final play of the first half. My two teenagers exercise better time management. Official pot-shot: Bill Walsh may be a genius but his “advisory role” with the team took a huge hit at about 5:25 PM (ET) last Sunday. Total 2nd half production was a field goal. ‘UNDER’ by 20!
Oakland and Denver ‘OVER’ 45 ½ points on Monday, November 11th. 21-7 at halftime with future engineers calculating this should have a minimum of 56 points scored by bedtime. Following a total of six points tallied in that always-breathtaking NFL 3rd quarter, the score is 34-10 with 11:31 remaining in the game. Your final….34-10 to go ‘UNDER’ by 1 ½ points. Official pot-shot: No reason for extended family members of the Griese family to investigate hotwire or pursue those Orbitz pop-up ads for a trip to San Diego in late January.
Houston Rockets –3 ½ versus Portland on Tuesday, November 12th. All-star guard Steve Francis had scored 30 or more points in back-to-back games entering this critical regular-season game with only eight months remaining to the season. Houston leads 86-83 with nine seconds remaining in the 4th quarter. Francis is shooting the 2nd of two free throws. BRICK CITY! Portland launches a desperation heave to tie it. Doink! But a reprieve as a Rocket player gets the rebound with two seconds left. No foul? What are you kiddin’ me! Houston fails to cover by ½-point. Official pot-shot: Fundamentals moron! Shoot a free throw or two in practice.
Miami of Ohio –2 versus Marshall on Tuesday, November 12th. Doing their best 1984 Chicago Bears impression, the Redskins of Miami stop the Thundering Herd on downs at the 21-yard line with just over two minutes remaining to preserve a five-point lead. But Miami’s play-calling suddenly becomes as creative as the 49ers in the waning moments of the first half on Sunday. They’ve been bitten by the bug of conservatism. On 3rd down and 12, “Big Ben” Roethlisberger runs the wrong way. I’ve seen this before with Jim Marshall 35 years ago. He gets tackled for a six-yard loss. Who would want to punt from the 21-yard line when you could punt from your own 15-yard line? I’m sure there’s a strategy to be found here somewhere. The mental giants on the coaching staff (one of was later arrested) were blinded into thinking this was the NFL and the clock doesn’t stop. Marshall proceeds to gain exactly 11 yards on every play forcing the stoppage of the clock throughout their far-from-frantic final possession. In the last minute, back-to-back interference penalties in the endzone against Miami of Ohio. But you gain solace because the ESPN announcing crew calls them “phantom calls”. Unfortunately, that doesn’t help you at the betting window. Herd quarterback Stan Hill looks like Calvin Hill and scores on a one-yard run with five tics left. Scoring at home (we all do), you’ve just lost Miami of Ohio and the Houston Rockets in a combined span of 14 seconds left. Official pot-shot: While you’re tearing up your ticket, there’s a group of guys wearing black and white shirts at the pay window.
Sacramento and Golden State ‘OVER’ 207 on Wednesday, November 13th. 65-56 is your halftime score with the Kings and Warriors looking like the Globetrotters. 121 points scored in the first half with only 87 required in the 2nd half to cash this ticket. A low 45 points in the 3rd quarter (always a thrill a minute) but we are still on pace. Remember when your child was six-years old and you march to the gymnasium on a cold February Saturday morning knowing the first bucket could be the last bucket you’ll see from ten kids on the floor who couldn’t spell ‘basketball’. The first eight minutes of the 12-minute 4th quarter between Sacramento and Golden State in NBA professional basketball produced a composite score of 6-2 Warriors. Eight points scored in eight minutes. Both teams were on pace to set an all-time record of futility for scoring in a quarter. The two clubs proceeded to explode for 23 points in the final four minutes. 104-93 for the easier ‘UNDER’ of your life. Sacramento scored 90 points the first three quarters and then had two points the first eight minutes of the fourth quarter. You think I make this stuff up? Official pot-shot: ‘Professional’ basketball…yeah good one!
What made matters worse for this particular handicapper is that he had to personally view those five sporting events on his now damaged big-screen television. Scamdicapper? I think not.
Do yourself a favor. Keep selling that insurance or filling out those mortgage forms. Continue to deliver those bottles of water or teach those kids to expect the unexpected from the 21st century athlete. Remember you get two days off every 365 days that being the day before and after the baseball all-star game in July. Still want to enter the handicapping business?
Mark
“The Animal”
http://www.animalssportspicks.com
I blame this phenomenon for a couple of reasons. By now, the baby boomers of the 60’s like myself have given up aspirations of becoming an astronaut and this was the next best thing. I know visions of what NASA is really like enter and leave my mind as I’m slamming down on these keys. Plus there are only so many openings to either sell vinyl siding or to work at the tools department at Sears. The generation that followed mine grew up on computers and eventually stumbled on one of the first handicapping sites. I’m quite certain their first thought was “I can make money in my underwear without ever leaving the house”.
Not so fast my friend. There are a few pitfalls that you should consider before leaving your legitimate career and enter a field in which your first critic will call you a ‘scamdicapper’. Officially, I looked this word up in the dictionary and couldn’t find it, but it sure does show up in my in-box with regularity and coincidentally when I lose a game. Jeez, I’m starting to sound like Andy Rooney. I should also warn you that there tends to be a few highs and lows in this business. Your fate of legitimacy dangles on the thinnest of threads on a daily basis. Benefits are lousy and Aetna US Healthcare don’t’ seem to recognize this field as a viable possibility for an extended ‘group’ plan.
Oh and by the way, today’s athletes aren’t exactly as reliable as when we were kids. Consider the last 96 hours for a guy I know in this industry whom I’m extremely fond about.
Kansas City and San Francisco ‘OVER’ 50 points on Sunday, November 10th. 17-10 at halftime with the Chiefs having a touchdown called back. The 49ers have possession at the Kansas City 16-yard line with 90 seconds remaining in the first half. The end result is an interception thrown by Jeff Garcia at the two-yard line on the final play of the first half. My two teenagers exercise better time management. Official pot-shot: Bill Walsh may be a genius but his “advisory role” with the team took a huge hit at about 5:25 PM (ET) last Sunday. Total 2nd half production was a field goal. ‘UNDER’ by 20!
Oakland and Denver ‘OVER’ 45 ½ points on Monday, November 11th. 21-7 at halftime with future engineers calculating this should have a minimum of 56 points scored by bedtime. Following a total of six points tallied in that always-breathtaking NFL 3rd quarter, the score is 34-10 with 11:31 remaining in the game. Your final….34-10 to go ‘UNDER’ by 1 ½ points. Official pot-shot: No reason for extended family members of the Griese family to investigate hotwire or pursue those Orbitz pop-up ads for a trip to San Diego in late January.
Houston Rockets –3 ½ versus Portland on Tuesday, November 12th. All-star guard Steve Francis had scored 30 or more points in back-to-back games entering this critical regular-season game with only eight months remaining to the season. Houston leads 86-83 with nine seconds remaining in the 4th quarter. Francis is shooting the 2nd of two free throws. BRICK CITY! Portland launches a desperation heave to tie it. Doink! But a reprieve as a Rocket player gets the rebound with two seconds left. No foul? What are you kiddin’ me! Houston fails to cover by ½-point. Official pot-shot: Fundamentals moron! Shoot a free throw or two in practice.
Miami of Ohio –2 versus Marshall on Tuesday, November 12th. Doing their best 1984 Chicago Bears impression, the Redskins of Miami stop the Thundering Herd on downs at the 21-yard line with just over two minutes remaining to preserve a five-point lead. But Miami’s play-calling suddenly becomes as creative as the 49ers in the waning moments of the first half on Sunday. They’ve been bitten by the bug of conservatism. On 3rd down and 12, “Big Ben” Roethlisberger runs the wrong way. I’ve seen this before with Jim Marshall 35 years ago. He gets tackled for a six-yard loss. Who would want to punt from the 21-yard line when you could punt from your own 15-yard line? I’m sure there’s a strategy to be found here somewhere. The mental giants on the coaching staff (one of was later arrested) were blinded into thinking this was the NFL and the clock doesn’t stop. Marshall proceeds to gain exactly 11 yards on every play forcing the stoppage of the clock throughout their far-from-frantic final possession. In the last minute, back-to-back interference penalties in the endzone against Miami of Ohio. But you gain solace because the ESPN announcing crew calls them “phantom calls”. Unfortunately, that doesn’t help you at the betting window. Herd quarterback Stan Hill looks like Calvin Hill and scores on a one-yard run with five tics left. Scoring at home (we all do), you’ve just lost Miami of Ohio and the Houston Rockets in a combined span of 14 seconds left. Official pot-shot: While you’re tearing up your ticket, there’s a group of guys wearing black and white shirts at the pay window.
Sacramento and Golden State ‘OVER’ 207 on Wednesday, November 13th. 65-56 is your halftime score with the Kings and Warriors looking like the Globetrotters. 121 points scored in the first half with only 87 required in the 2nd half to cash this ticket. A low 45 points in the 3rd quarter (always a thrill a minute) but we are still on pace. Remember when your child was six-years old and you march to the gymnasium on a cold February Saturday morning knowing the first bucket could be the last bucket you’ll see from ten kids on the floor who couldn’t spell ‘basketball’. The first eight minutes of the 12-minute 4th quarter between Sacramento and Golden State in NBA professional basketball produced a composite score of 6-2 Warriors. Eight points scored in eight minutes. Both teams were on pace to set an all-time record of futility for scoring in a quarter. The two clubs proceeded to explode for 23 points in the final four minutes. 104-93 for the easier ‘UNDER’ of your life. Sacramento scored 90 points the first three quarters and then had two points the first eight minutes of the fourth quarter. You think I make this stuff up? Official pot-shot: ‘Professional’ basketball…yeah good one!
What made matters worse for this particular handicapper is that he had to personally view those five sporting events on his now damaged big-screen television. Scamdicapper? I think not.
Do yourself a favor. Keep selling that insurance or filling out those mortgage forms. Continue to deliver those bottles of water or teach those kids to expect the unexpected from the 21st century athlete. Remember you get two days off every 365 days that being the day before and after the baseball all-star game in July. Still want to enter the handicapping business?
Mark
“The Animal”
http://www.animalssportspicks.com
